Banjo and Kazooie Go Places
by Ian Moone
Summary: So our heroes have gone drinking when suddenly the skull-hut across the street explodes, sending a burnt Mumbo and a series of events into motion that will forever scar the Isle o' Hags. Nothing new, I just thought I'd change the crappy summary I had.
1. the beginning and talking

The day began, as most days do, with waking up.

*YAWN* "Good morning, Kazooie!" Banjo stretched and said, "My you look lovely today." Kazooie, dead asleep and drooling on the pillow next to him, said nothing. "all righty then. I'm going to go make some breakfast, anything special?" Kazooie gave a dreamy mumble, "Honey and birdseed it is."

He got out of bed onto the cold floor. His teeth chattering, he covered Kazooie and tucked in the blanket around her. She gave a few of those really cute birdnoises she makes sometimes and smacked her beak. Banjo couldn't help but brush his knuckles down the length of her beak and gaze at her closed eyes, her barely noticeable eyelashes very cute in his opinion.

Banjo heaved a happy sigh, knowing it would take nothing less than wringing her neck to wake her up. He went across the room and lit the fireplace, grabbed the birdseed and some bowls out of the cupboard, set that stuff on the table and pulled a chair upto the fireplace. He then picked up the honey pot that still had a little honey left in it and proceeded to pour the last of the viscous liquid into the hanging fire pot.

Meanwhile, in Kazooie's dreamland, {lol cool game} she was in a heated argument with the moleman Bottles who apparently didn't approve of them sleeping in the same bed, "but its cold, beetlegobbler! It doesn't mean anything!"

"Yeah, yeah, who are you trying to convince ya freak? Hey do you smell that?" Kazooie awoke to the warmth and scent of her best friend. Even across the room his presence comforted her. She didn't know why she was dreaming of The Goggles like that; he was the second nicest person she knew and would probably make fun of her, sure, but outright disapprove? Of what? Sleeping in the same bed, whats the big deal?

Knowing full well it was her own crazy thoughts and nothing more, Kazooie groaned and got out of bed. Rubbing her eye, she stumbled over to the table next to the frozen window and went to pull out the chair when Banjo whipped around and said, "Oh Kazooie, your up!" as the cuckoo clock said *CUCKOO* right next to her head.

*COUGH* "Yeah..."

"Here, sit here, its all warmed up for you. I'll pour ya a bowl o' seed. You just stay warm, okay?" he got up and sat her down in his chair by the fireplace.

*plop* Kazooie went as Banjo shuffled off once more, "Why are you even up already, shouldn't you be hibernating or something?" He just chuckled as he grabbed the backpack off the rack and brought it and the other chair over to the fireplace. He then poured and handed her a bowl of birdseed, "well, why don't you go and get all snuggly back in bed?"

"Not without you... I mean... uh...*BLUSH*"

Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, he just sat down to stir the honey, "Would you like some? Its the last of it."

"...uh, n-no, thanks."

"all right..." he ladled some honey into his bowl and started to tuck in. Kazooie just watched him, wondering how she could have slipped like that, and why consider it a slip? What was wrong with two friends staying warm? Unless she felt like more than friends, which she just realized she did indeed, and it bothered her a little bit. How? Why a bear? Sure they were opposite genders; but different species? The idea began to scare her.

"Kazooie? You not hungry?"

"Whuh?"

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"

Banjo. Kind, considerate, her-best-friend-her-whole-life-not-just-some-bear-in-the-woods Banjo. Did she even have to ask herself those stupid questions? Why was she even worried? Sweet, innocent Banjo, could never imagine the things she was thinking about, would never even consider doing them with/to her, would he? If she asked nicely... what? Now she was just scaring herself.

By now Banjo was kneeling in front of her snapping his fingers, "Helloooo...?"

*snap snap snap snapsnapsnap* "WHAT?"

"DO YA WANNA EAT SOMETHING DIFFERENT?"

"OKAY! Yeah, sheesh."

"Well then lets go!" Banjo slung the backpack on and ran right out the front door and into the frozen morning. Kazooie stood in the doorway, noticing the beauty that was Spiral Mountain covered in frost. It may have snowed in other worlds, but it only ever froze on the Isle o' Hags. Kazooie shivered as she watched Banjo drink from the river that was the moat around Spiral Mountain, "Wait wait waitwait... the suns barely up and the fires just getting good. Lets wait a little while for it to warm up. I'll eat the feed and we can play cards or something."

"Hey, yeah! Then when its warmer you can walk with me, instead of being bundled up in the sack, so I can carry those empty honey pots in there and return them to Miss B when we go get more honey! phew..." Banjo made it back inside, bringing a little frigid air with him.

"Oh yeah... Honey B..." Kazooie mumbled, settling back into a once cozy chair.

BKBKBKBKOXOXOXOXBKBKBKBK

I had a short sitdown with LOG and he allowed agito his world for all of us! {as PARODY because infact i dont have permission from RARE to do anything but play the games}  
I know, I know, Banjo has a stove! I just noticed while I was playing Banjotooie


	2. playing cards and more talking

Later

Although the sun was shining happily climbing higher in the sky chasing the ice on the grass to the shadows of the trees, natures splendor went mostly unnoticed by the bear and bird who were in the middle of their third round of the very exciting, very distracting game of War. The card game. After awhile Banjo looked over and asked, "what happend to Roysten? I would feed him but he's not there."

"Who, the fish? Its probably outside."

"Really? You think he's okay?" She shrugged, their cards declared/waged war on/with eachother or whatever you call it when they match and took all of his cards, "awww, again?"

"Haha." Some more of his taken cards later, "Hey, Banjo?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you really like that Honey B a wasp lady?"

"Well, sure. She gives us honey."

"No, I mean she always flirts with you and stuff, you know what I mean."

"Yeah, but Kazooie," she looked up into his blues, "She's a bee."

Kazooie lowered her eyes, "Yeah, she is... a bee..."

"She's probably had at least a hundred mates already!" Banjo snickered with a paw over his muzzle and took her card.

"Heh heh, your probably right!" Kazooie blushed and giggled, sure she had nothing to worry about. No one ever really gave Banjo that much credit in the intelligence department, but Kazooie was sure he knew what was going on more often than she did. She used to spend most of the time tucked away in the backpack; only coming out to flap, look around and peck stuff. Oh, and shoot eggs, too! she almost forgot she could do that, its been awhile. Wait, and the Talon Trot! Okay, so she used to come out alot after all. The point was she trusted Banjo.

"So you think of anything special yet?" Banjo said as he took Kazooie's card for the upteenth time in a row. Since Kazooie went ahead and ate her bowl of food they moved on to just doing something special today.

"We'll just see what we come across."

Kazooie was starting to get excited, she still had some naughty ideas that she couln't help but try. "Well, I'm tired of kicking your butt at cards. Lets head out already." She stood up and stretched, tossing the rest of her deck on the ground in front of the dying-down fireplace where they were playing. "Howzabout we go get that honey thing outta the way and hop on over to Jolly's?"

"But... I was winning..."

"Yeah, so ya think. It was only a matter o' time..."

"...whatever. So you want to cut through Jinjo Village to get to the Plateau? we could run the honey back here real quick and then head over to the Lagoon." Banjo said as he gathered the honey pots into the sack. A few days after the duo staked their claim to spiral mountain once and for all they super-cutely begged L.O.G. to allow access to the rest of the Isle o' Hags. Ever benevolent L.O.G. complied to their wishes and de-pixellated all the boulders so they could take the old route to Jinjo Village.

"sounds like a plan." Kazooie said, getting together the deck of cards.

BKBKBKBKBK

Banjo and Kazooie finally made it out of their little house and into the big outside world, what with its singing birds in the afternoon sun with puffy clouds in the sky and whatnot.

"Hey Banjo, wanna race?" Kazooie teased.

"No thanks." Banjo politely declined her offer knowing she could easly run circles around him, which she then proceeded to do. Banjo would think Kazooie was just so awesome whenever he saw her runnig freely like that. He knew she could not only run, but even fly freely without him. She could do so much on her own, yet she chose to stay with him. It made him think she was even more awesome.

The beautiful red flashes before his eyes ended when he tripped her. she hit the dirt with an "OOF" Kazooie stood up slowly, glaring at him, approaching him like she was going to peck his eyes out, she backed him upto the edge of the moat.

"Gosh, are you okay Kazooie? I am so sorry for tripping you." She just grinned and lovingly shoved him in.

After he climbed out and shook off all over the place they made their way around Spiral Mountain, heading for the tunnel.

"Hey guys."

Simultaneous "Huh, Whuh?"s came from the duo who didn't notice the beefy little fish swimming alongside them the whole time.

"Oh! Hey, whats up Roysten?" Kazooie waved a wing.

"Yeah, how ya doin' buddy? Been up to anything good?"

"Not much. Doin' alright. Gettin' laid." Roysten swam off and up the waterfall.

"...Well alright."


	3. Going Places!

I'm super glad you really enjoy this story; I like this pairing alot and have always wanted to try a story of my own. Do I really have to tell you to review?

OXBKOXBK

And so our heroes made their way out of the tunnel and through Jinjo Village. They passed Ms. Mole's house (they didn't know what she was going by these days) and the golden throne hall of King Jingaling, and went up that sorta ramp thing Mumbo had made out of the rubble that used to be the gray jinjo's home. The incline led upto the path to Wooded Hollow. There, they did that stupid ledge thing next to Jiggywiggy's temple to get over to the Plateau's entrance. There was a baddy that popped out of the hole above the ledge to snap at passer-bys so Kazooie went first to peck and kill it. Once they were inside climbing the scaffolding that led upto the Plateau Banjo spoke up.

"Whew! this is harder than I remember."

"Yeah, but you know darn well we need the exercise. Remember last time we stopped going out?"

Banjo thought about those dark, boring days. Since then they promised each other they would never get so fat again. "Yes, all my fault, sorry..."

"No, it was my fault, too. I didn't peck at you hard enough."

Finally, they made it up onto the Plateau. As they walked up to the giant beehive, Banjo looked over at the boarded-up entrance to Glitter Gultch Mine. "Hey, remember Dilberta and Bullion Bill? I wonder what they're up to nowadays."

Kazooie definitely remembered that strange encounter. When they asked Dilberta about a reward for freeing her she said she had to ask her "master" but once they made it through the tunnel back to the prospector's hut she referred to the fox as "honey". Some kind of strange relationship there. She sighed as she thought they were probably living fat, rich and happy together somewhere. Kazooie suddenly tensed up thinking about the size difference; compared to that what she and Banjo shared didn't seem so bad. There she went again, thinking crazy thoughts... they were friends, just friends!

"Kaz? You okay?" He grabbed her by the wing. Her eyes went wide and she jerked her wing out of his paw, "I'm fine, go see your sugar mama already!"

"Look, she isn't even here." Banjo gestured toward the counter. Kazooie didn't even realize they had walked into the hive already.

"Well, I should pay more attention then..." Inside the hive were a bunch of male bees that looked like Banjo's transformation back in Click Clock Wood, most were busy at the walls and ceiling messing around with the honey or something, but there was one behind the counter just staring at them.

"...scary."

"Uh, hey guys, whats up?" Banjo gave a slight wave.

"Buzz buzz" the counter bee replied.

"Wherever did Honey B go?"

"Buzz-buzz buzz."

"Umm... can you fill these for me?" Banjo reached back and pulled out a honeypot. The sight of it seemed to make the bee angry.

"BUZZ! Buzz buzz!" Kazooie rolled her eyes for a third time getting tired of that buzzing crap really fast.

"I'm outta here." She went out the doorway. Banjo followed behind.

"But shouldn't I return these to the bees?"

"Keep 'em, screw the bees."

BKbkBKbkBK

Bear and bird walked into the tavern and sat down at the bar. Jolly had come back to the lagoon as soon as he could, citing being chased down by weasel pigs and having cannonballs fired at him as some of the reasons for leaving Showdown Town. "Hey Jolly, howzit goin'?"

"Hi guys! I got some new menu items; would you like a sampling of this stuff?" He giggled as he held up an open glass bottle with a hula girl on it, the label read: Jerry's Cherry Rum.

Banjo squinted at it, "Sure, whats it like?"

"why it burns, you silly bear!" He giggled some more and laid down two shot glasses, one for each of them and poured like the bartending pro he was. "I don't know why I ever left this... you sure he should be drinking?" He asked Kazooie as he slung hers first.

"Sure, he'll be fine" she said excitedly as she stuck the glass in her beak, gulped and slammed it, "Another."

"Well all right."

Banjo gulped his and wheezed.

"I also have Crab Pie and Fish Tacos!"

"No thanks."

BKBKBKOXOXOXBKBKBK

Quick question: do you care that Banjo doesn't go "guh-huh" all the freaking time? Does that bother you? I'm just curious. Please tell me what you think of the story, let me know if there is anything wrong with it.


	4. Kaboom! death?

Okay so no reviews is good reviews I guess so here you go!

^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^

The setting sun's rays shone through the clouds, the waters of the lagoon glittering in a really pretty way as the bird and bear got sauced with Jolly in his otherwise empty bar. They talked about lots o' stuff, like how Miss Honey B opened herself a nice new sweets shop where that horrible cake shop used to be; and things, like how Humba Wumba just disappeared after that whole Spiral Mountain fiasco and why the blazes didn't they get a place in town and how awesome The Embo was and about how that backstabber Mary Maggie had gone off to expand their business(Mary Maggie's Baggies! Over 200 stores nationwide! Everything from dime bags to doggy bags!). Jolly sure could talk about alot o' stuff and things. Oh and they drank a shot of liqueur occasionally, too.{the author is also drinkin ib}

Speaking of which...

The shotglass fit nicely in the curve of her beak as she tipped her head back and downed yet another drink with no hands, the sweet liquor rolled over her tongue and into her gullet. "*gulp* cawww..." she tilted her head foreward and let the glass slide down and out of her bill onto the bar, "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Banjo blinked, "What were you saying?"

"What about?"

"Hey can I?"

"You sure like town alot for a fugitive," Jolly shrugged, "do you think I could give these honeypots back to Honey?"

"You should go see, you would love the stuff she makes."

Kazooie was waving wings. Jolly rolled his eyes, "Wadda ya say big fella?"

Banjo, being a big ol' bear and not as tipsy as the waif of a bird Kazooie was, rubbed his chin and eyed her with suspicion, "I don't know..."

"Aww, no more drinkies?" Kazooie pouty-faced{i dont have to tell you how cute that was}

"...is your tongue purple?"

"That's not good at all!" Jolly exclaimed, freaking out.

"NO you load o' dummies, its always been purple!"

"Oh... well all right."

Jolly eyeballed her as well, "You promise not to blow anything up?"

"I don't even remember how to do that! Stop with the eyes already!"

"Well fine, but I'm doin' this for you." he winked at Banjo and slid Kazooie her lubricant.

*slurp*

She stood as the spiced rum coursed through Kazooie, warming her. She stretched, long and lean, shook and shivered. The sheen of her feathers even more glossy in the bad bar lighting. She hiccuped, puffed out her plumage and looked over with sly eyes at wide eyed Banjo, who was stunned by this totally awesome display of birdy sexyness.

"What?"

"Um, where do you think Humba went?"

"I don't know or care about silly hot girl, I'm gonna go fly around." Kazooie said going out the door.

"Is that a good idea?" Jolly asked Banjo.

"I trust her. She'll just land in the water anyway."

"You like her, don't you?"

"Well yeah I let her live with me."

"Naw, you 'like' like her. Like alot." Jolly smirked.

"...So?" Banjo said with a sigh.

"Eeewwooo, I love stuff like that; I love love. I love to love love!" Jolly gushed.

"Yeah well, what am I going to do about it? It's not like we could be together... we're too different."

Jolly gasped, "You don't honestly believe that, do you?"

"No, but I don't know if Kazooie believes it or not."

"Well I say she flirts with you everyday."

"All right. I'm going to go check on her and probably go; you sure I can't pay ya for these?" He slid Jolly his shotglass.

"No, not at all. Just go get her tiger!" Banjo waved and left as Jolly sighed, "Lucky bird... what a hunk!"

bkbkbkbkbk

Banjo stepped out into the twilight evening, the sun had set but the sky was still glowing pink.

"So do you think we should head home, or is it too late?" he said as the pretty bird came in for a landing; touched down, tripped and stumbled into Banjo's arms. "Erk, uh, its starting to get a little chilly." Just as those words left Kazooie's beak Mumbo's skull hut exploded and Mumbo's blackened body landed in the middle of the court.

"Uhhhnn..."

"Holy crap what the heck?" Kazooie was by his side first, laughing, "what did you do this time?"

"New...most powerful... s-sorceress...blarg."

His head thumped against the ground, "NOOOOOOOOOOooooo!1!"

B+K+B+K+B+K+B+K

Okay, you guys & gurls. If anyones reading this I want your honest opinion...

Do you think Humba really doesn't like Mumbo, or does she? -o_O-


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